dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
