Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize