I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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