I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Randomize
