we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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