Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize