I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
