Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
