turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
