I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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