Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize