Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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