32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
