The maid of honor just puked.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize