Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She bit a glass in half.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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