I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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