I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
