Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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