If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
