I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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