so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize