if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
This toilet bowl is my home.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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