dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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