My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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