Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
