haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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