you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
