We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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