so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
