Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
