Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
