hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
