This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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