My balls are so social today.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
