At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
