hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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