we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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