what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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