sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
