i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
false alarm. still invincible.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
