this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
