Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
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