and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
