Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
