She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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