Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
