today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
