My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
