i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
