I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
