i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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