I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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