i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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