If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
