I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
