According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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