Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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