I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How does one acquire holy water?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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