I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
