She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
